Today is my birthday.
It means I won’t die at the age of 44.
I have a new perspective on birthdays. I want to live 29 years more so my daughter will be old enough to live without me and I can hopefully hold my grandchildren. I have to fight for it, though.
I used to be—and ok, maybe am a little, still—embarrassed about getting older. I feel and generally act like I’m 30. I certainly dress that way sometimes although I can’t always pull it off quite as well. Personally, I still think I can but have been gently nudged away from the thigh high boots.
I’ve been anchoring the news since I was 22. People with children will sometimes approach me and tell me they’ve been watching my news since they were in kindergarten. That’s certainly an honor but I’m always left wondering when did I get so old? I guess I forgot to get a job somewhere else!
It’s nobody’s choice when they were born so it’s not our fault that we age. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck…just a little bit. I helped a young friend celebrate her 21st birthday this weekend. We went to several bars in Missoula
I was watching an interview with Tom Brokaw’s daughter, Sarah. She was talking about getting older and how some of us may feel irrelevant as we age. Some of that feeling has to do with the milestones we think we should have reached by now but haven’t. She talked about experiencing our own lives on our own timetable and not what society expects of us. It’s hard not to compare ourselves with others and to wish for the things we never thought we wanted. My worst nightmare was going through a divorce. And yet I did. And then it was losing my health. And then I did. But I’m ok. I guess that nightmare threshold is either a moving target or we blissfully don’t know how bad it can get.
Maybe part of our tangy dislike of aging comes from wanting enough time to do it right after goofing it up. I can say my own false starts have led me to true love and a wonderful daughter neither was easy to get.
It’s eerie to consider I’ve probably already lived half my life and I wonder if the good parts are over. I sure hope not.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I, naturally, thought I was going to die immediately. I thought about leaving this all behind and decided I’m just not ready to leave yet and shouldn’t have to. There’s just so much out there still.
And now I have another year to go find it.
Jill, it has been an eternity since we worked together but you still sound like you. I appreciate you sharing the experience and we are keeping you in our prayers here in D.C.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday, Jill. Age is just a number. I think you are a good example of living life to the fullest. None of us have any guarantees that we'll have a tomorrow. So squeeze the most fun out of life that you can. Every day has at least 1 blessing in it.
ReplyDeleteJust exactly what Debbie said...age is just a number. I turned 41 a month ago, and still would rather be my age now, even after all the crap I've been though. I look at it this way, "As long as I keep getting wiser, it's all good" To learn from my mistakes, makes my life that much easier. I am so not ready for it to be over, so hopefully my body AND medical science will alow me to do so for a long time yet. In the mean time, I am more concerned about getting my cancer in check, and peacefully enjoying myself in the mean time...trying to do mostly things that make me happy. Have a great birthday today Jill! I don't know if you do news live, or earlier in the day. If by some small chance you are able, I will be at Fiesta El Jalisco on Reserve at 5 pm. I would love to buy you a birthday drink and catch up with you for a few!
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